He sat across from her with a slight smile on his face, listening while she talked about her hopes, her dreams, her day. He sipped his coffee and took a bite of pastry and continued to listen, completely fixated on what she had to say and unaware of anything or anyone else. She talked. He listened.

Whether they’ve been married for two years or ten, I don’t know. But the way he looked at her made me smile. To have that relationship, that person who will just sit across from you and smile. Smile simply because they are happy to be there, with you. Smile simply because out of all of the people in the world they have found the one person that they want to sit with and listen to for the rest of their life. To share those late night dates in a coffee shop and share their pastries. And share their lives. Together.

It’s hard to imagine isn’t it? To be able to find someone who, in spite of knowing all of your quirks and flaws, still loves you. They love you. They want to and chose to spend the rest of their life with you. To have someone who will love you so completely and so fully. The idea is hard to grasp.

And no, it’s not all going to be perfect. There are going to be hard times and selfish moments. But there are also going to be good time, great times even and moments of selflessness. And even though there are moments of imperfection, even throughout the whole roller coaster, that person will still be there. Will still choose to be there and want to be there even at the end of it all. To have a person, that after the hard times and selfish moments, can come back and apologize and/or forgive. To have that person who can come to you and say “I’m sorry” or “I forgive you” and immediately follow with the words “And I still love you.”

It’s a difficult concept to grasp, no? And you wonder. You wonder if you will ever find it, ever have it. And a part of you wonders if you ever can. Because you know your faults. You know your shortcomings and that you are far, far from perfect. But who knows? Because that’s the beauty of it. That person will see your faults and shortcomings and imperfections, and still say I want her. I choose her. I love her. Despite all of what you see, they see a person who they know isn’t perfect but still thinks is perfect for them.

Will I ever find that? I don’t know. Do I want to? Maybe. There is the selfish, insecure part of me that never wants to. I want to be able to go and do and see what I want and not have to share or answer to anyone. I also don’t want to open up, to be vulnerable. To have that kind of relationship that that couple seemed to have, or a lot of couples have for that matter, requires so much vulnerability. And if I’m honest, really honest, I have to admit that I’m scared. Scared to open up, to be vulnerable, to risk giving my heart and love to someone who can and will hurt me.

But that’s the beauty of it. You have to take a risk. You have to be able to step out on that ledge. And then, and only then, will you have that relationship. You will have that person. That person who will laugh with you and fight with you and cry with you. And at the end of it all, after all the emotions, the ups and downs, the good time and bad times, they will still look at you and say I still love you.

Will I ever find that? I don’t know. But by goodness, if I ever do, if I ever find that person who knows everything about me and can still look at me and say I love you, I will be forever awed and thankful.